Simple Pleasures

3:30 pm on a sunny day in San Francisco
Both the kitties are sleeping
All is well with with the world

"Oh I, just know that something good is gonna happen." Kate Bush

Of Love and Loss

I recently came upon this during the depths of my darkness, mourning the men in my life who vanished. The ones who died, the ones I pushed away, the ones who left me. This is from Ladybug Mecca, formerly of Digable Planets, one of the coolest hip-hop acts to arise out of the salad days of the early 90s.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1y8AiJX6xo&feature=related

She sings of her past, of missing her parents who perished too soon, yet she comes out of it strong and emblematic of her heritage and who she is. We are the sum of the collective parts of our past, painful as it is, and it constructs our unique identities. What I really like in this video is how she turns around her grief into a celebration, and feels the power of her departed mother on the other side of the wall. Because that's really where they are. A few years after my father's passing, I dreamt that he was not dead, but living in a different neighborhood. In a sense he is, he no longer occupies an earthly vessel of transport, but his physical being lies elsewhere. Not original ideas by any means, but the feeling of love is strong enough to transcend physical boundaries.

The Promise of a New Year

Okay, so I paraphrased a Sting song, which makes me officially uncool, but I'm unnaturally optimistic about 2008. For some reason, even-numbered years are always better for me. I should get a t-shirt that reads: "I survived 2007 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." But instead of dwelling on the negatives...divorce, broken heart, a baby that was not meant to be, and unemployment -- a sense of elation sweeps over me when I contemplate the positives: my great friends, job, new adventures, health, and family. The chance to start over and fly like an eagle. Still, I gladly bid this year adieu, grateful for the character and wisdom its granted me, but hoping for a more serene 2008.

Giving Thanks

Another day of gorging on food that so many dare to dream of, the self-flagellating for going off the wagon on our diets, another American paradox of gluttony and excess. Yet a guest of my sister-in-law's mentioned this was her favorite holiday because it is about showing gratitude in the purest of terms, devoid of religion, cultural, or class bias. Why shouldn' t we give thanks everyday, not because some religious exiles from England landed on Plymoth Rock and supposedly feasted with the indigenous peoples, a story debunked as an urban legend.

As my strangest year is coming to an end, I realize that I am incredibly blessed. We all are blessed. For the air we breathe, the ground we walk on. When you get down to the mechanics of it, the human body is an amazing, self-regulating machine. And I should be grateful when I wake up and take a breath, even in a body that is a bit older, slower, or heavier.

In an odd way, this rollercoaster of 2007 has been a journey for me to discover my true self, away from the distractions of a relationship. I may be without a mate, but I'm certainly not alone. In addition to making new friends and reconnecting with old ones, I've re-discovered and enjoyed my own company, away from the agendas of others. It's given me renewed appreciation for my oldest friends and seek the company of those who nourish and nuture, rather than deplete me. I've learned that I still have a ways to go in learning to live for myself. Old habits die hard -- they took years to build, and will take years to undo. But the human spirit is dynamic, versatile, and capable of evolution at any age.

As I'm about to embark on a journey, I face the New Year with fear and excitement, both emotions built on energy, not depression or lethargy. I may be living alone in a new city for the first time in my life, and it's the opportunity of a lifetime, for me to continue development, to individuate, to explore. It's like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and I can choose to either a) be pushed off, b) let it slowly erode over time and crumble, or c) take a swan dive and soar.

You chose "C" too, didn't you?

My Birthday Week!

Being in summer, I view my birthday as a halfway point. And let me tell you, I took quite a beating the first half of '07. Nothing disastrous, but personal and financial matters. But if my birthday week is any future indicator, I'm looking forward to my better half of 2007!

*I get an email stating I've been made Yelp Elite. For all you non-Yelpers, I'll explain. Like being made part of the cool kids club, or making partner at your law firm.

*My review of Zeitgeist gets Yelp "Review of the Day"! You're basically queen for a day, get lots of cheers from fellow Yelpers, etc.

*After an awesome, albeit grueling daylong interview with Gilead Sciences, they offer me the position of Scientific Communications Manager. Oh, and because I seemed to have pulled the wool over my eyes, they offer me $15,000 more than I ask for!

*Lovely dinners with friends, old and new. Nice group dinner with the girls. J took me out to dinner to celebrate my bday, job, and watching Kali. It means the world to me that he's speaking to me again.

Looking forward to the new gig. May go to LA for a few days to see old friends. Have been out a few times with T, so far, so good. Feeling very, very lucky.

RIP to a Good Man

Today marks the 14th anniversary of my father's passing. We lost him suddenly, too young, without warning. A brilliant, sensitive, "nice guy." Yes, we had our disagreements and didn't see eye to eye, but I could tell we were created from the same cloth. I miss him.

Taking a Bite of the Big Apple

Ah, New York... Magestic, magical Gotham, open 24-7, a hubub of manic activity. I love your subways and streets, your bridges, your taxis, your opinionated peeps who speak their mind and dare to utter words that PC-bound San Franciscans shudder to think. I just returned from a whirlwind trip to the Big Apple and am spellbound. When I visit NYC, I typically shun the tourist traps: Statue of Liberty, Empire State, Ellis Island. I prefer to walk its streets, ride its subways, while away the day in its numerous parks, drinking in its essence . Never have I felt that a place "got" me. People are always surprised when I cite NY as my favorite city. "But you're so mellow and meek." Exactly, so I travel to ESCAPE my rather dreary self. Forget long walks on the beach, I crave stimulation, intensity, excitement. I love its extremes. Ninety degree weather and thunderstorms. Back in SF, it's 60 and foggy. In NY you can be yourself. You can ride the subway with a vexed look on your face, considered criminal in sunny CA and subject to a fine by the happy police. I love dancing the night away until 4 am with tranny burlesque dancers on the lower East Side. Flirting with 22-year-old hipster boys in Williamsburg. Eating Polish for brunch in Greenpoint and Egyptian for dinner in Queens. Attribute it to my childhood in Oakland but I thrive in chaos and quiet unsettles me. If cities were like men, New York would be the irresistible bad boy: gritty, a bit unreliable, and full of surprises.